Show me, don't tell me

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart” - Helen Keller


I believe one day I'll be able to see the beauty in life once more. Right now, everything seems so meaningless. I can't seem to find the light in the darkness that engulfed me and it pains me every single day to be unable to convey my feelings into words. Why can't humans close their heart to the things they don't wanna feel, just like how they can close their eyes to the things they don't wanna see?

Lost

Once in a while, I'd like to type out my feelings here on my internet diary..

I find it harder to smile with my heart these days. I don't mean to, but.. I just can't anymore. Too many things have been troubling me. In school, I feel the most depressed. Sometimes I feel as though I cannot cope anymore - I just feel like giving up but my conscience tells me not to. I've been so stressed out with school work, project, exams. Not to mention, my piano exam is round the corner and  I HAVE to pass it. I cannot afford to fail this time.. Especially not at grade 8. I can't help but to feel so negative. Maybe I just need a break. Maybe I need someone to comfort me. But, who will be there for me?.. Even I myself have problems trying to express my own feelings..

Friends..? It is just a word or something much more, I wonder?

So.. What are true friends?

I remember something about someone being there for you when you need them. Someone who values your friendship the way u value theirs'..

Do I have true friends?

I'm often surrounded by a group of friends, but I wonder if they are true to me? Truthfully speaking, I feel sometimes, I give too much and receive too little in the end. Is it all worth it in the end? Have all my efforts gone down the drain? Possible. I feel unhappy... In fact, I feel lonely most of the time. Maybe I'm just trying too hard to please everyone that in the end, I'm at the losing end.

I am who I am

Having one of the worst period in my life - Mouth ulcers. I have to be extremely careful how I place my lips together to avoid hurting the ulcer. Food = Problem. Loss of appetite. Stupid braces just makes it worse. Have to drink lots and lots of water. Can't smile properly either. Damn.

I remember those days where I was really excited about days like Christmas, my birthday, Chinese New Year, National Day, Children's day.. (Am I missing out anything else?) Haha, just count in any other types of something-days la~ To me, it used to be days worth being happy about. I don't know why, I felt especially happy on these days. ^^v Maybe cos it wouldn't be a normal school day I guess. Otherwise, I would be receiving gifts from people. (Happygal95) HAHAHA! Something I really like is receiving presents! I really appreciate them very much. I don't know why, but up till now I STILL LOVE PRESENTS!!! :D KEEP THE PRESSIES COMING YO~ =D

Obsessed mapler - Hengbingchow makes sure my exp and his are the same.........  But HEY! Why is my exp more than him by 1? Failed at making it equal eh? LOLOL~

charlottelum.blogspot.com

This blog is as good as dead, but I'll update it anyway.. :)

There are so many things I want. Shoes, bags, cosmetics, clothing.. etc. If only I had all the money in the world! Hahhahaa! 

Random thoughts for a random day

School holidays are the best! Unfortunately they never last for long. :( Ahhh, I wish everyday was a school holiday! So far, the longest school holiday I've ever had was after my 'O' level examination.. Super SHIOK OK?! =D MID OCT TO MID APR.... HOW LONG IS THAT?! WOAH! THAT IS FREAKING LONG! I just realize that I had a 6 month holiday! LOL! Or issit I count wrong? x.x No wonder I feel as though I've forgotten my whole secondary school life. HAHA! During that period, I didn't even have a part-time job.. Whereas my friends and worst! BOYFRIEND HAD TO WORK! WTF! Lonely ttm sia at that time. Freaking pay as waitress super low! Not worth my time! And one F&B outlet didn't employ. Nabei**... But there were times where my friends and boyf went out with me la.. but still I felt so lonely and bored when they're not with me. LOL. I had no company at all... :( Only 2 idiotic troll rabbits who cause me trouble. GRRR..! LOL! I was so demoralized to work because I had high hopes of working at my aunt's office however, I was disappointed by the fact that my aunt could only pick my sister to work with her. *shakes head in disappointment*

Now, there's a 7 week school holiday. SERIOUSLY I NEED THIS HOLIDAY MAN. WTF AND NOW    I AM LEFT WITH AROUND 4 MORe WEEKS OF HOLIDAY. SHIET! POLY WAS FREAKING STRESSFUL MAN. I THOUGHT I WOULD DIE. MIRACULOUSLY I DIDN'T. This was the order of our project deadlines, Economics, GenEd, FOM, ITB, BC. Wtf sia, I HAD NO CLUE HOW TO DO MY ECONOMICS PROJ! Shannon was my partner but she had no idea too.. Luckily Sheauqin helped us! Otherwise I would've died. For GenEd, we had to make a video.. FIRST TIME DOING IT. Super proud of myself. *Pats myself on the back*. ^^ Did a video on obesity discrimination, I really enjoyed "Photoshopping" people to become fatter for project's sake. LOL. For FOM, we had to come up with a report... Was really tough, had to come up with a new product.. LUCKILY we did on teenage market and thanks to my brilliant self of coming up with some out-of-this-world product + my super chio drawing.. It was somehow a breeze... KIDDING. I SERIOUSLY HAD TO USE UP TONS AND TONS OF BRAINJUICE COMING UP WITH ALL THAT, + REPORT... STRESSED TTM. NOT ONLY THAT SIA, STILL HAD TO PRESENT A 60+++ SLIDE PRESENTATION. WTF. + Our group.... Like kinda disappointing leh.. IDK, Shannon and I were really disappointed. But luckily we managed to complete everything. FOR BIZ COM, had to do a proposal... I spent so many days and nights working on it... I contributed so much but then, I realised how selfish the rest were.. Hais, I learnt a lot from this... Had to present for that too, FORMALLY. Was super stressed. I hope I did well. FOR ITB, I guess I did my part, but because of my BC proposal, I kinda neglected this project, I am grateful to my group leader.. as I felt she did the most.. Hais, presentation was.... okok la.. T.T 

I guess poly is kinda competitive.. IDK for wht lo seriously. Why is it that some refuse to share their ideas?! Why so selfish? Disappointing though. I was told poly was project based.. So I assumed everything was TEAMWORK. But NOW, I LEARNT THAT I AM ON MY OWN. I have to thank my classmates for teaching me that -.- Seriously, without them I would still think everybody loves to care and share. How foolish of me..

I am quite confident about my PACC exam. However, my Economics are... shitty. As usual. SIGH. I hope for the best though.. T_T ZZZZZ tomorrow I'm gonna watch Resident Evil with bingbing~ ^^ *Happied* 

Anyway.. some random thought I had yesterday... I felt that my secondary school life wasn't really good. If I was given another chance.. I would like to change my past. haha, I know I can't though. I wasn't liked by my teachers. During sec2 my teachers wanted to send me counselling because they felt I was problematic and troubled.. HAIS. I was always caught for school attire and hair. I was always late for school. I ran away from home. I was thrown out of my 2nd home with my belongings thrown outside the house. I wasn't doing well academically during sec 2 and 3.. This fail that fail. My good friends I had previously were in the different class as I was the next year.. My clique suddenly abandoned and replaced me. My "used to be" close friend changed for the worse. I felt really lonely and left out most of the time. I had so many eye problems and had to go to hospital so many times and had to be absent from school. Cornea tore on right eye and some lump grew below my left eye and had to go for 2 surgeries. -.- I was never recognized for my talents. I felt that I was picked in band and was secretly feeling miserable all the time. Well, rants can never stop, so yeah, ending off for now~ ciaos

Blogshop Haul?

Ahhhhhh. I'm like having some sorta shopping spree right nao. I don't know why but suddenly I've become so willing to spend my money.. Grrrr.. Bingbing keeps telling me I've spent enough but when I go online and view blogshop's latest collection and all, I just can't resist! :'( The clothes are too pretty and totally my style!!! *Cries* I'm so broke now.. Really, I should stop spending already. :( *Depressed* I think I need to type in google "How to stop spending money" already... LOL!