School Day.

Homagawwwdddd. School. Is. Re. Opening. To. Mor. Row. AndI'mNotMentallyPreparedAtAll. ):
*Shudders..* Like after so long, I'm finally gonna hold a pen, open a book, sit in a classroom with a teacher in front, wear my school uniform, go for assembly in the morning.. So, this goes on and on and I'm gonna experience it, TOMORROOOOWWWWW. Hm, I kinda miss going to school for lessons though.. In fact I've forgotten how it goes. All I know is that sweet food keeps me alive in classes. Owell.... Heeheehee. :D

This year, I bet it's gonna be different, because I'm not living with my parent nor sister anymore. I'm living with my aunt, grandma and grandpa instead. Hmmm, of course the environment and facilities in my own house is better than my current home but the atmosphere isn't. Anyway, things aren't really going smoothly and perfectly for me in my life right now, I feel lost and lonely, like in a world of my own.. I also feel picked on, used and too highly expected of. Sometimes I wished I could find the right person to speak to. I told Ebi but he wasn't the right one, he just makes me feel worst by blaming himself. -_- So I decided that I should keep my lips sealed and not speak to him about anything troubling me.. X: Well, this doesn't mean I'm hiding anything from him okay?! After some time, I've finally realised,'what's the point' ? I've finally woken up and realised that all this time, I've been dreaming too much and hoping for the impossiblities. Even my efforts are put to waste - no one recognised.. When I rearranged my priorities, clearing off the impossible dreams aside/forgetting them and work towards new goals, that's when they thought I was changing for the worst... becoming a different person that I wasn't before, she saw me as 'problematic', sticking out from the rest and said I wasn't putting in enough effort and I had a wasted potential. No, she did not understand me she isn't the understanding sort.... She asked me 'when are you going to wake up?'... I couldn't answer her. The truth is, I've already woken up, and I see that everything is pointless, I gained nothing... I couldn't tell. I'm not as blur as what she said I was, I just needed time to reach perfection, but no, she said I wasn't putting in enough effort. No, you're wrong. I believe it takes interest to be able to do something well, in the first place, I was moved unwillingly just because I had a different background from the rest but I didn't have a choice. Now you see why? I was forced. But it doesn't matter, I got over that issue, everything was fine at first, I did all fine. And then... The unhappiness began. It was a different piece of paper I had to look at and my hands had to move more on the different blocks of wood I had to tap on from before.. It was difficult to find the right time to fit in with the rest and needed countless attempts to be correct. I wanted to give it a try. But one day, I was stopped because my previous responsibility that was given to another couldn't continue like how it was supposed to be. I got shot at. I wasn't given the change to explain. But seems like those people don't understand me, or perhaps they've expect too much from me. I'm not that strong you know? I'm a human just like you are, I've feelings. It's too pressurizing that I feel as though I can break down right away. Please, make things change, but I know you don't understand what I'm trying to say. And even if so, what can you do? Unless you're one of the people contributing to this unhappiness..

She's says she wants to speak to him.